I found myself doubting my ability to write today and it nearly paralyzed me.
Because who am I? I am no English major with a master’s in creative writing. I am no well-traveled journalist who has important things to say about life. I am nothing of consequence in the world of writing.
I am just a girl who likes to read and remembers what it’s like to be a teenager. So what can I possibly have to say on paper?
I was sitting in front of my computer, wallowing in insecurity, when I realized fear—specifically the fear of failing, or being unworthy—will be my nemesis regardless of what I choose to pursue in life. Fear’s not going anywhere…but I refuse to stay put.
So to my nemesis I say, “Bring it on!”
What do I have to say on paper? Plenty. Because I have a story. Not an idea–a story. So I will persevere until my story is told. To heck with the credentials!
I’m not sure at what point I’m allowed to whole-heartedly believe in myself without sounding like a dweeb…but I’m thinking that ‘point’ is right here, right now, on this Monday in 2011.
So, I’m a dweeb.
I’ve got one lifetime to jump headfirst into anything and everything that lights my heart on fire and–gosh darn it–I’m throwing myself over the ledge of fiction today! Haha! (<--- is this sounding like the monologue of a crazy person…?)
I’m actually visualizing myself diving into a big stack of freshly-printed book pages, which would realistically leave severe paper cuts and ink stains all over my body, but I don’t care! I want to sing and dance and run as fast as I can across this sea of writing and story-telling, and pound on my chest with the exuberance of a four-year-old! So I WILL! HahaHAHA! (<--- That was my crazy/psycho laugh, right there.)
I have a lot of work to do in order to finish my next book, which will be the first book in a paranormal series. I have ¼ of the first book completed, and I’m sure I’ll have many more run-ins with self-doubt.
But I’m not afraid. (Take that, fear!) I’m not afraid of failing, and I am not afraid of trying again if I do.
Because fear is debilitating and I will not succumb to it and be robbed of an opportunity. No, siree! (how do you spell that? Sir-ee? Sirree? See, these are things a writer should know…I really have a LOT of work to do….) 🙂
With that being said……..Back to the lab I go!!!